Divorce advice: Getting divorced? What to do if you do not want to
What should you do if your spouse decides to separate or even divorce you?
This can be a very confusing and heart wrenching time for you.
Divorce is one of the worst events any human being can be put through. It is like losing a love one trough death. You go through the same stages of grief and sorrow
Many contend that the divorce process is so gruelling that they do not ever wish to repeat it in life. No one would.
Of course some a tiny fraction of people it is the best of all the evils. To continue in a painful and hurt relationship is hell itself.
So what can you do if you have been served divorce papers?
Well respected relationship counsellor tells how to deal with this sensitive and highly charged moment in your life in this video clip.
What should you do?
Lee Baucom says you should first investigate why things have come to this point,
- Why does your wife or husband want a divorce?
- What are the reasons behind all this?
Understanding this is crucial, because you will not be able to respond appropriately unless you know why you are being given the boot
- Is it an affair?
- Are they saying they are no longer in love with you? This means they no longer have passion or romance for you.
- Are they just tired and worn out? They have been trying hard for such a long time that they feel drained and not able to go on any more.
Each of these reasons requires a different approach to start the process of mending the relationship.
Baucom says you should NOT DO any of the following
- Beg
- Manipulate
- Coerce
- Plead
- Threaten
- Throw a tantrum
This behaviour will only worsen the situation. These are negative reactions and they only prove to your spouse that they are right. They feel justified in what they are doing which is to separate from you.
Remember to
- Remain calm at all times
- Be constructive and positive. Avoid criticism
- Be solution focussed. There are lots of problems but what can you do to change, resolve and overcome the problems
- Understand that the process will not be linear. Sometimes you will be in a good spot and other times there will be relapses.
Here are some things you can do
- Tell the other person that the relationship is important to you
- Also tell them that you are willing to do what they say but you will prefer to be with them
- State that you want relationship that both of you will be happy in and feel proud of
