Divorce: 6 things you can do to stop your divorce
- Are you at the end of your romantic rope?
- You just can’t take the emotional pain and heart ache anymore?
- You have tried everything you can think of to make the relationship work – but to no avail. You are just plain tired, frustrated, angry and resentful.
- Your spouse has wrecked your life, drained your energy and is a constant source of heart ache and trouble.
You want out out the marriage and relationship!
But is divorce the answer?
Will it make you happy?
Will it give you the relief that you so desperately desire?
Is there any hope?
Can your relationship be salvaged?
Could you get the love and happiness you once had?
As incredulous as this may sound – the answer is yes you can get a great relationship again.
Admittedly not every single troubled relationship can be fixed, but yours can.
Before you totally write off your marriage or relationship, I want you to consider this very powerful insight. It is worth its weight in gold.
“When you are in love you can never consider a time when you can be out of love, and when you are out of love you can never imagine that you can be in love again – but you can.” Willard Harley, a very successful marriage counsellor
Do you remember those times when you were in the first flush of love and romance?
During that glorious time you never thought that you would ever lose that love that you have for this person.
Now the person of your dreams has become the person of your worst nightmare, you cannot image being in love with them again. But believe me you can.
Consequences of divorce.
Although divorce or separation seem to be the only remedy to this ugly situation, the process of divorce is heart rending, to say the least. Let’s look at some of the facts
Divorce makes you poorer.
The average cost of divorce in the UK is between £15-20, 000. One friend of mind told me she has spent up to £15,000 and the case is still not finished. I cam across this amazing statistic on the smartmarriages.com website: “Divorce drops a person’s wealth by an average of 77%”.
Divorce drains you emotionally.
The actual process itself is very painful and emotionally draining. It is like tearing your physical heart apart. In fact it is much the same like a death in the family.
Children suffer incredibly in the process of divorce.
Here is a site where children post their feelings about the divorce their parents are going through. http://www.postcardsfromsplitsville.com/index.html
You may think that children are resilient, however research show that divorce not on makes them unhappy but actually slows down their development. They are permanently affected for life.
Here is something that totally surprised me when I found out about out it. It’s a secret that many counsellors don’t tell you.
Problem marriages improve even when spouse do nothing but stick to their commitment
Two researchers Waite and Gallagher found out an amazing thing about people who simply stuck out the very rough patches in their relationship. When they felt like giving up, divorcing and throwing the towel they didn’t. Years later their marital happiness was very high.
Sometimes they were not even able to tell you. It seems that simply sticking to the marriage vows can make the relationship improve all by itself (click here for the report)
Well what should you do about your marriage predicament?
Before I tell you what you can do, here are some things you shouldn’t do:
Don’t talk to your family and friends about it.
They will be very sympathetic to you and want you to leave the person who is causing you so much pain – in other words may want you to speed up the divorce process.
Stop trying to hurt and spite your spouse.
If you are the one trying to get back stop begging, pleading and promising to do better. This only makes them see you as pathetic.
Here are 6 things you can do to stop your divorce:
- Stop pressuring your spouse. Give them some space and time by not always talking about upsetting issues. If they want to discuss these you can agree on a specific time when both of can have a discussion. Start softly not harsh and loud. A soft start usually sets the pace for a productive discussion; while a harsh start up is a recipe for disaster.
- Recognize when things are getting out of hand and too heated. Inform your spouse that you need to stop before either of you say or do something regrettable. Walk away if you have to but let them know you are will to continue you have calmed down
- Understand your partner by putting yourself in his/her place. If you were to understand where they are coming from you will find that they will begin to soften up. Plus you may even begin to empathize with them. This makes a world of difference.
- Let him/her know that you would really want the relationship to work and want to be with them however if they choose to leave, you will accept that.
- Agree with their terms and condition and do what they want. Although this may sound a bit counter intuitive, usually when you agree with people they don’t tend to want to consider your point of view too. If you fight them, they are very defensive and dig their heels in.
- Clearly identify the things that are happening that are giving you pain and grief. Decide what can happen the will make it better for you. This lady actually explains it much better than I can. Look at this brief clip.
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Below are a list of resources that maybe helpful to you in your quest to save your marriage or relationship.