Happy marriage life

Soul Mate: How To Become One With Your Spouse

Creating a Soul Mate relationship

  • Would love your spouse to be totally in tune and connected to you?
  • Would like him or her to fully understand you?
  • I mean just “get-you” on the deepest level?

Won’t it be nice if he or she blends with you to the point that both of you become one – truly one – a soul mate?

He or she:

  1. understands your pain;
  2. feels your hurt;
  3. rejoices in your success and knows your vulnerabilities,
  4. yet embraces and supports you fully.

They become so fully in touch with you they can finish your sentences for you.

This is what some people call a soul mate.

A soul mate is someone who is fully connected and in-tune with you on a deep spiritual level.

Won’t that be great? It would make the perfect relationship. This is the kind of person we could easily spend the rest of our lives with. This is would the happiest and most fulfilling relationship.

Unfortunately just when we think we find such a person after we marry every thing changes.

The person we thought was the man/woman of our dreams suddenly becomes the man/woman of our worst nightmare.

This brings me an interesting question – are soul mates born or made?

Before I answer the question I have an analogy to make.

I am not usually a TV person, however one evening I caught a glimpse of an episode of BBC’s “Strictly Come Dancing” program.


I initially thought that the people competing were all professional dancers. But my wife told me that only one was a professional dancer and the other never even took dance classes before.

This intrigued me, because all of the performances were flawless. You could not actually tell which of the two was the professional dancer and who was the amateur.

They were definitely in-tune with each other. The synchronicity of their bodies made it appear as if one brain was orchestrating them. Each move was perfectly programmed in such a way that the other person automatically responded in perfect harmony. The flawless dance seem so natural and flawless that its very hard to believe that one of them only started dancing just a several week or 7 days ago.

Interestingly they showed behind the several rehearsal video clips of the people when the practiced the dance. You will not believe the clumsiness awkward moments they began with. They have to do one move almost a million times before they got it. In the process they fell over, stepped on toes and frustrated their partner. Eventually after practicing 8-hour days they did get the clever manoeuvres and was able to present it effortlessly on stage.

Many of us would love to dance as brilliantly as these people but we do not have the patience to do the painstaking practice they go through.

I think love is like the “Strictly Come Dancing” programme.

We can in deed become soul mates. We can get totally in tune and connected with each other. But it does not all just happen. We need to make it happen.

We need to learn the idiosyncrasies of each other. We need to find out what makes the other person tick. We must find out their hot buttons.

What are hot buttons? 

A hot button is something (action, word or facial expression) which triggers an automatic reaction.

In case of meta-level overflow…

Creative Commons License photo credit: Damien Pollet

These can be positive or negative. Sometimes we can simply touch your spouse in a certain way and they calm down and nuzzle up to you. Sometimes you can say something that instantly triggers an angry response in you.

John always seem to get in angry rage every time Mary tells him that “He is a lazy good for nothing” when they are fighting.

Yes the things we do or say can make our spouse react lovingly or revengefully.

Learning our spouse’s hot buttons will help us become more in tune with their moods, feelings and temperament. When we understand these we become more in touch with them on a subconscious level. We will also become better able to read and respond to them intuitively. We truly become soul mates.

Our minds synchronize, our hearts become regulated to the same beat and we actually become one – soul mates.

But does this (soulmate relationship) happen immediately? Does it happen in short space of time?

No. Like the dancers on Strictly Come Dancing, it takes diligent painstaking practice. Initially it would be awkward. You would step on each others toes. There would be frustration, arguments and fights, but if you stick to it, you will eventually be able to perform the dance of love.

You will eventually have a soul mate relationship that will amaze others.

So if you have relationship problems at the moment don’t give up.

If you are stepping on each others toes don’t walk away in frustration. These are steps that are helping you to learn each others hurts and joys.

This knowledge will help you to synchronize beautifully with you spouse.

So continue to practice the love dance and you will create a most beautiful harmonies relationship in time.

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