Secrets about their husband married women need to know
What secrets do married men hold that their wives need to know?
Check out this video with respected researcher Dr. Scot Haltzman to find out.
Married men often struggle in silence about the things that worry or puzzle him in his marriage:
- Not having enough sex
- Arguments that don’t make sense
- Wife who talks, nags or complain too much etc.
Unfortunately he doesn’t talk to his male friends about it, perhaps because he feels embarrassed abuot it. He things that these don’t happen to his friends and he is the only one who is afflicted with such issues. So he suffers in silence.
Here are some of the thing men struggle with:
1. Vulnerability: men are not always as strong and they pretend to be. One good friend of mine who is at the height of his career confessed to me that sometime he feels like a fake. I almost dropped with surprise, because I thought he had it nailed. He is hard working, confident and successful. Who would have thought he struggled with issues of confidence.
Men don’t have the language skills to talk about our inner feelings like women do. Plus it is very frightening to reveal your vulnerability even to your wife who perhaps sees you as her protector. I remember one time I tried to explain to a girl friend of mine that I have some weaknesses too, she quickly changed the subject and asked me not to talk about them. It was as if she was frightened to find out that the one she looked up to and felt secure with was not as powerful as she thought.
One of the best thing a woman could do for a man is to believe in him even when he doesn’t believe in himself. This profound confidence can make him do things he never thought he is capable of.
2. Not enough sex. Another problem many men hold close to their chest is that they are not getting enough sex in their marriage. About 77% reported this frustration in Haltzman research – this is very high figure.
Why this great disparity?
Well the experts say that the male has higher levels of testosterone. Testosterone is a hormone that is more predominant in men and informs their high sex drive. Another reason is that sex is also a physical desire for men. When his sperm tank gets filled with sperm his body urges him to release himself much like your bladder would urge you to wee when it is full.
While women use conversation to bond men use sex to feel connected to and bond with women.
What can be done to help these men?
- First both parties need to understand that the agreed to meet each other’s emotional needs when they got married. One of the greatest emotional needs for men in marriage is sex.
- The man needs to romance his wife outside the bedroom and not only when he wants sex. Be nice to her. Hug and kiss her every morning. Surprise her with little tokens of love. Little things mean a lot to a woman.
- If she is not in the mood for penetrative sex then explore other methods of sex such as manual stimulation and oral sex.
- I once came across a statement; I think it was Dr. Pat Love who said it, that two thirds of women do not feel like sex until they are having it. So women may want to start having sex even if they are not in the mood for it. Engaging in the actions will arouse the desire, much like engaging in exercise (even when you don’t want to) eventually warms you up.
- Men need to remember to spend more time turning her on in foreplay – women take 15-20 minutes to get fully arouse in sex. Take your time and you will be well rewarded.