Do you have a sex starved marriage?
One of the undeclared expectations of getting married is access to sex. Unlimited and on demand sex.
What if you find that after getting married your partner has very different ideas on how and when to have sex? In fact your spouse may want too much sex for your liking or they may not want as much sex as you. What should you do?
Michelle Davis, who has written a book on this topic has something some very powerful advice on this topic.
You would expect only men to be the complaining about not getting enough sex, but believe if or not some women have been complaining about it lack of sex too.
Why is this issue so important?
“It is a huge deal because it about feeling wanted, loved and feeling connected,” Michelle says.
If one person’s sex needs are not met than there is a disconnection. They stop feeling wanted, and there is a slow drift apart from each other.
This places the marriage at risk of divorce and infidelity.
What can you do?
1. If you have a high sexual desire try to make you spouse understand your deep need. Avoid getting upset if they do not understand. Frustration can make you feel like attacking and picking on him/her for everything else. But it is not about all that, it is really about getting your sexual needs met. So speak from the depth of your heart and feeling. Tell your partner how happy, connected and fulfilled it makes you feel. Also let them know how frustrated and irritable you feel when you don’t get sex.
2. If you are a low desire person Michelle says to “Just do it.” It is like exercising sometime when you don’t feel like doing it, you force yourself to engage in the activity and eventually you begin to like what you are doing.
Dr. Pat Love another love expert says that there are 3 types of people:
- Low sex
- Medium sex and
- High sex people.
This can be confusing because the low sexed people cannot fully understand the high sexed people. Similarly the high sexed people are totally mystified by the high sexed people. To add to the confusion Dr. Love said low sexed people begin to act like high sex people when they first fall in love. During the romantic stage of falling in love their system gets flooded with hormones that simply alter their normal sex drive. They get turned on for very quickly and tend to want sex regularly like the high sexed person.
Unfortunately when they marry and their hormones return to the normal level their desire disappointingly drop. This is a total mystery and leads to confusion for their partner.
This is what happened to Kim and Patrick. In this case Patrick was a low sexed person, however when he fell in love with Kim (who is high sexed) it seems as though he was on heat all the time. This worked well when they first got married during the honey moon period which lasted for about over a 18 months. Well as you would expect this suited Kim’s High sex drive very well. Only that after this time his appetite for sex simply dropped immensely.
She initially thought he was trying to punish her while he became convinced that she had some sex demon occupying her mind. As much as she loved him she became so sex starved that she serious started considering and even planning on having an affair with her work colleague Johnson.
That’s until she stumbled on an article on the internet about the issue.
If you have a sex starved marriage and want to improve it remember to
- Explain you feelings and what it means to you to your spouse
- Just do it!
Finally if your sex life has became boring and dull you may want to read this article: Marriage sex