Sex in marriage: Keeping the Magic of Sex Alive in Marriage
Marriage sex: Does sex have to become dull and boring after marriage?
Or does it get better and better?
One thing many people look forward to in marriage is unrestrained exciting sex – forever. But is this possible?
Look at this quick video before we continue:
Even at the altar most men are not really concentrating in what the minister is saying. His mind may be anxiously, patiently and even frustratingly thinking about what is going to happen in the bedroom.
Unfortunately many newlyweds are disappointed with sex from the very beginning.
Others start out like jack rabbits, hopping on each other at every opportunity they get bit this sooner or later peters out into boring sex?
Sexual advice for newly weds
- Plan your honey moon night together.
One of the most disappointing things is disappointed expectations and hope. Imaging Jill who dreamt of being carried over the threshold into the bedroom, playfully being stripped piece by piece and then have affection caresses which eventually culminating in passionate sex. Jack on the other hand is desperate to get into the bedroom, stripping himself and having pulsating sex to exhaustion. However after the long wedding, partying and dancing at the reception, Jill was too tired and drained to even think about sex, but Jill was still expecting full participation with no foreplay. He didn’t think that such thing was necessary for married folks. Because of this Jill had a very painful entry – she was a virgin.
For some reason Jack and Jill never spoke about their sexual expect ions or dreams. Their unexpressed expectations were thwarted. This is a bad start.
- It is best to talk about your fantasies and expectations
- If both of you are virgins then read and research about love making and sex
- It would good to get some lubricating gel for the vagina and it can be very painful when the penis penetrates the vagina.
- The man needs to be very careful and take cues from the woman as he tries to penetrate
Can long-time married people – especially parents – have great sex?
The Daily Mail, a UK based tabloid, reported a story of a woman (Carrie Jones) have not had sex for over 4 years with her husband. She believes that marriage and motherhood are simply not conducive to having a sex life at all. She chooses to remain in a sexless relationship because of her children.
The frightening thing about it is that article claims that this loss of sex in marriage is common.
“I remember the first time my girlfriends and I admitted that we all felt the same about married sex as parents: we couldn’t be bothered with it and felt guilty for not wanting to sleep with our husbands” Carrie jones
Lets have a look at this video and see some of the sexual problems marriage couples can face
Great sex doesn’t just happen:
How can you have tremendous sex in marriage not just in the beginning but through out the life of the marriage.
How to spice up your sex during marriage
1. Get rid of distractions.
Nancy Van Pelt, a well respected marriage educator, says that many people are too tired for sex because they are very involved in their children and running the house. Sex takes energy and these drain energy and leave you to tired for sex, so clear away the distractions.
i. Simplify your life
ii. Avoid over committing to doing things you don’t have the time and energy to do. Learn how to say no.
iii. Turn off the TV and if you have a TV in the bed room, get it out. Its very distracting.
iv. Invest in childcare or get your friends and family to help baby sit the children so that you can have some time for your spouse without being interrupted by a screaming toddler.
2. Exercise. Exercise believe it or not helps to generate energy. It also makes you feel and look good. Two things that makes you very appealing. Plus it has been found that physically fit people enjoy sex better and also give better sex
3. Rest. Make sure you get enough sleep and rest. When the body is well rested you feel more relaxed, you have more energy and your sexual appeal increases.
4. Food. Do you know that there are some foods that increase your sex drive? (Water melon, dark chocolate, garlic pumpkin seeds, bananas etc. Click here for more foods that increases sex drive http://www.onlinedater.org/articles/boost-your-libido-21-foods-to-increase-your-sex-drive-naturally/ )
5. Make sex a priority – schedule sex.
Sex advice for married men: How to sexually light her fire
Remember sex doesn’t start in the bedroom. Great sex begins on how you treat her all day or even all week so romance her outside the bedroom
– Take her for romantic dinners and spend time gazing into her eyes. Research shows being wined and dined increases endorphins, the pleasure hormones, which in turn help release inhibitions and testosterone (the sexual hormone). It also encourages flirtatious behaviour.
– Go for walks with her
– Give her a non-sexual romantic massage
– Tell her nice and complimentary things every day e.g.
- I think I am the luckiest man in the world to have a woman like you or
- I don’t know what I would ever do without you or
- You mean a lot to me
- Bring her little tokens of love
- Love notes
- Wild flowers
- Toys like little teddy bears
– Play with her. Tickle and have a friendly rump.
Get to know her erogenous or pleasure spots. Do you know that women have many areas of the body that are highly pleasurable if stroked and touch outside her genitalia and breasts? Explore her body and learn where her erogenous zones are. Take time to pleasure and remember that she takes about 15-20 minutes to warm up so discipline yourself and extend foreplay.
Its also important to understand her cycles. Almost everyone has off days. Its no use forcing her during the time that she is not in the moody psychologically, emotionally or physically. If this is all the time like Carrie Jones, then there is a serious problem. Seek professional help.
Let her know you find her highly desirable and irresistible. Nothing turns on women than knowing that she is sexually attractive and appealing. Why do you think they spend so much money on clothes, hair styles, make up and Extend foreplay
Enter by invitation. When a woman is fully turned on she will either beg you to enter or literally hold and guide your penis into her. So romance, pleasure and create foreplay until she is ready.
Do not force her to do anything that she doesn’t want to do. While there is something to be said about sexual exploration, there are some things that some women are averse about. If she doesn’t want oral sex do not demand or force her. Nothing shuts down her sexual response like being forced to do something she thinks repulsive. She will begin to resent you and avoid having sexual intercourse with you.
Be hygienic. Women are very sensitive to scents and odours. Sweat, bad breath and dirty finger nails can instantly turn her off. It would be wise to take a bath, (preferable with her) brush your teeth before embarking on any amorous exercise with your spouse.
The clit has it. While many of us enjoy deep thrusting and deep penetration, for a lot of women the clitoris, which is packed with nerve endings, is highly pleasurable. Be warned however, don’t directly rub it, but gently massage it in circular motions using the hood to protect it.
Sex advice for married women: How to sexually fuel his passion
Make him feel sexually attractive. Do you want to know how to turn a man and flood his soul with desire for you? No its not sexy clothes and attractive makeup. These have their place. But one of the greatest things that arouse a man is telling him how much you desire and want him. This can drive him sexually crazy.
Initiate sex sometimes. Men love when women initiate sex. This indicate that the woman find them sexually appealing and also proves that they want and desire them.
Visually appeal to him: Why not learn belly or pole dance and do it for you man. You may even want do some strip teasing. Because men are so visual he won’t be able to keep his hands off you.
Give him feedback: As he pleasures you respond with sounds of pleasure or tell him how good that feels. You can even tell him exactly what you want when you want and how you want it. He does not have to be doing it by trial and error – which can be frustrating.
Shake things up a bit sexually: have different types of sex at different times and in different places. I have heard of couples who love having sex not only in different part of the house but also in places like the dressing room of clothing stores. This is a bit risky but the risk increases the pleasure. Be creative but not stupid.
Strengthen you vaginal muscles and use them. Do pelvic floor exercises to strength muscles involved in sexual pleasure. Rhythmically contracting these muscles around the penis could virtually drive a man crazy with sexual pleasure.
Go here for more tips on having better sex with your spouse.