How to save your troubled marriage
How do you save a marriage if one spouse says, “I don’t love you any more, not sure I ever did?”
Well that was what Laura Munson’s husband told her one day after nearly 2 decades of marriage.
Can her marriage survive after such a blow?
Surprising it did. Laura Munson is still happily married to her husband after the major crisis that nearly broke the family apart.
Well how did she save her marriage? And more importantly can you save your rocky relationship? Can you save your marriage?
Firstly Laura claims she saw the words coming to her like a fist and ducked. I love the illustration.
How did she duck to get away from the blow?
She thought of the history they had together and knew instinctively that this was not true. While most of us we have crumbled or reacted with heaves of emotions, she read beyond the mere words.
“For him to say those words I knew that he was in deep emotional crisis brought on by career failure,” Laura says
“How did you process this?” the CBS host ask her?
“People say all Kinds of things when they are in crisis. My love for him had me go to a place of compassion and empathy,” she responded.
That is so powerful. She was able to see that her husband was hurting so bad, that he needed help, “compassion and empathy.”
Yes, many times when our spouses lash out they are really hurting.
“I don’t buy it. What can we do to give you the space that you need, without breaking up all that we have created?” she responded.
I really love what she said next. This is really worth its weight in gold.
“There is so much power when you don’t engage in the drama!”
Wow! Most of us would have gone off on the deep end and either come out fighting or taking the victim mentality.
Listen to further words of wisdom.
“People think that the power lies in reacting; in posturing and fighting.”
But if you should defend yourself, if you do not fight back to protect you’re hurt and bruised emotions, what can you do to rescue your damaged feelings and even save your marriage?
Munson claims that you empower yourself. You shouldn’t take things personal.
If your spouse tells you they don’t love you, how can you not take that personal?
Be responsible for things within your own control.
“I could not control my husband, nor can any body control another human being.” Munson claims.
She explained she got in touch with her inner dialog/critic (who wanted her to fight and become a victim) but she resisted the urge.
“It was able creating my moment. I could create being miserable… I didn’t want to do that so I created some level of person freedom,” she explain
She also accepted that in every relationship inevitably breakdown and crisis happen.
Munson revealed another powerful secret of keeping your marriage.
She said she did not speak to her friends about the problem. So who did she speak with?
“I didn’t speak to friends because I didn’t want to get into that reactive space. Instead I spoke to people who really love us,” Laura Munson
So the golden nugget here is to only speak to people who are friends of the relationship, not necessarily with people who subjectively take your side.
This did not create a miracle. Her husband did take the space and was absent at times.
Munson dethatched from the outcome but still had some principles and borders.
“I gave myself about 6 months…I had my standards I wasn’t going to put up with anything,” she said.
Guess what things did work for her although she said it is still a work in progress.
Her parting advice:
You can be powerful even when you feel powerless, even when society say you should play victim you can find some level of person freedom in the present moment.