Stop My Divorce: Bring your marriage back from the brink of Divorce?
If you are gearing up to get a divorce read this post before you do anything else?
If you are in a painful and hurtful marriage you will not believe that you can have wonderful, caring relationship again but watch this before you take another step to divorce.
Dr Willard Harley once said that people who are deeply in love can never imagine that there will ever be a time when they can be out of love; conversely when people are out of love they cannot imagine they can ever be in love again.
But trust me, despite the hurtful words and heart-rending actions of your spouse, love and romance can be restored in your marriage. Check out these couples who were on the brink of divorce.
MSN Today show did a report casing the dire situation of 3 couples.
One woman Alisa Bowman got so miserable in her marriage that she seriously wished her husband would die. She mentally planned his funeral in her mind. Another couple were fought daily, while the third couple decided not to get divorce but to hate each other for the rest of their lives together.
More than half of all couple lose their passion and flounder in a loveless relationship.
After years of counselling Dr Harley of all the people who get married about 40% would get divorce, 20% permanently separate but don’t divorce, 20% stay together but live separate lives and another 20% stay happy marriage.
Luckily the couples decided to do something about their marriages. One counsellor Jonathan Apert observed that that there is a growing trend of troubled or conflicted couples who are actively looking for ways to save their marriages.
All three couples eventually saved their marriages. One lady documented her journey and wrote a book based on it called “Project: happily ever after.”
She revealed an amazing secret I want to share with you. In fact there are 2 things.
“We did a lot of little things and a lot of little things added up to a big improvement,” she admitted.
I really love that. Why?
Have you ever noticed that when people realize that they are overweight they want to see big changes immediately? They don’t realize that they incrementally got to the size they are now. And all they need to is to change a lot of little things.
If you are in a crisis situation, start doing little things. Baby steps – and be patient. These little things will eventually accumulate into big changes.
The second major secret she revealed was: “Changing my self.”
“I really thought he was 100% the problem,” she revealed. But changing herself, her attitude brought about major changes in the relationship and in her husband.
I know it sound like a cliché, but change yourself, the things you say, how you say them, change your reactions and you will see a may change in your spouses reaction.
Here is another great pearl of wisdom one of the men shared.
“Its in your best interest to keep you wife happy,” he correctly said.
When women are happy the universe is happy and they are very disposed to make everyone in their lives happy.
Alisa and Mark Bowman one of the couples were interviewed after the report –
What were the lowest moments in their relationship?
For Alisa it was after childbirth when she had to be both parent and bread wined while Mark struggled to get a business off the ground.
Mark couldn’t identify one think but knew that there was a point when they were just going through the motion of being a couple.
Luckily one friend asked Elisa who was gearing up towards divorce a big question:
WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO SAVE YOUR MARRIAGE?
She promised to do something and they both sought help. Interestingly she began reading and trying the exercises in the books. These helped tremendously.
Elisa shares 10 things to bring your marriage back from divorce:
- Find yourself
- Define your problem
- Get your spouse on board
- Stop fighting about old stuff
- Get busy
- Learn how to romance each other
- Learn how to talk out loud, not too loud
- Feel understood
- Write your spouses eulogy
I never really thought about the last one, but eulogies often focus on the good things about someone and how that person impacted your life. That is pretty cool.
Talk out loud not too loud was the item that works best for their problem.
Alisa pointed out that she tried to communicate through sabotage and silent treatment and he didn’t get it. She had to learn to express and assert her self without being aggressive.
He too found it useful.
“Men expect people to by upfront with what they want and at certain times she wouldn’t come out and say what she wants,” Mark said.
Alison has lots of resources on her website on how you can bring your marriage back from the brink of divorce Project Happily Ever After.