How can you create romance and love in a dead relationship?
Is there any hope for a relationship that is dry, empty and boring?
What if you have lost your love for your spouse or he/she has fallen out of love for you?
What if you are on the brink of divorce? Can romantic love be rekindled?
These are the burning questions that marriage expert Dr. Willard Harley will be answering in this revealing interview.
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First of all Dr. Harley addresses the questions –
Is there any hope for a seemingly hopeless relationship? And is divorce the answer?
Dr. Harley starts by giving a very shocking statistic.
He says that 95% of all affairs end in a natural death.
That is affairs run a natural course and burn out all by themselves. I would never have thought so. For those who are victims of infidelity, I am sure it feels like it will never end.
Harley goes on to say that of the 5 % that continue only 30% of those end in a happy marriage. Interesting!
Wait there is more, even in the ones that end in a happy union, there is still regret.
Is it ever worth it to cheat even when you have an unhappy marriage?
The answer is NO!
The damage and destruction that this process has on many lives is mind blowing.
To back this up Harley tells a story of a man who is happily married person to his lover – the woman who broke up his marriage. This man confessed to him that if he had his life to live over he would not have done it. It has destroyed his family and the relationship he could have had with his children.
Well if divorce and separation is not the answer what is?
Create romantic love!
How do you actually build romantic love?
“Not only can a marriage be saved but in many cases by saving the marriage you save your life. [And] You save so much more than just the marriage,” Willard Harley.
According to Harley there are 5 steps to romantic love
1. Make this a definite goal in the relationship.
Work towards have a wonderful marriage. Have a plan, a road map or blueprint for the marriage.
How do you do this? Harley feels that if you are serious about this you should both sign a contract.
2. Eliminate love busters.
The agreement/contract specifies that you will eliminate love busters (things which make the other person unhappy, upset and disturbed – things which hurt each other). For a questionnaire to find out what her love busters are go here. For a questionnaire to find out what his love busters are go here
3. Meet the emotional needs of each other.
The agreement also specifies that you will fulfil each other’s emotional needs. Do things that make each other very happy. Identify emotional needs. Get and emotional need form here,
Ask yourselves – What are the emotional needs that I need my spouse to meet? What are things I can do to make him/her extremely happy? Go to work to satisfy them, starting now.