Do you want to know the killers of love and romance in marriage?
Well in this article you will discover what the major love busters are. Things which can cause major relationship problems.
In Part 1 and Part 2 we revealed 3 love and romance killers.
- Selfish demands
- Angry out bursts
- Disrespectful judgements
- Independent behaviour.
Today we continue to follow Dr. Willard Harleys insights and revelations of other love busters and how to avoid them.
All of these love busters cause incompatibility and irreconcilable differences.
Dishonesty – lying to your spouse about things or failing to give your spouse information that you feel he or she would react negatively to.
Harley has an interesting and powerful solution to this.
The policy of radical honesty.
Under no circumstance you should give your spouse false information.
Some people think that there maybe reasons why lying or not informing their mare of something is necessary
Protecting their spouse from being hurt. E.g. One may never told his wife that he was in financial problems. She later found out he was going to bankrupted from a mutual friend. She as so wounded that he never included her that he had a double problem on his hand.
Protecting themselves against a negative backlash: Kilroy didn’t reveal that he met up with his ex-girlfriend because he felt Elvira would over react and cause an unnecessary scene. However when she did find out not only was she upset, she felt she could not trust him anymore.
Dishonesty is never the best policy. Transparency and honesty give you the best chances of having a secure and strong marriage, even if it us awkward and painful to reveal the truth,
*“If you are dishonest you grow apart. If you persist in annoying behaviour your spouse is not going want to have anything to do with you.” Willard Harley.
Look at this clip of annoying habits that will eventually kill this relationship if it is not addressed. Notice that the guy is not even remotely aware that he is bothering his partner, she is very uncomfortable and bothered with his antics, but silently toterate them .
Harley feels that this is exclusively a man’s problem. The way a woman’s brain is wired makes her more aware of things most men will either not see or totally ignore.
They are more attuned to things around them that bother them. They have a lot difficulty ignoring things like men would do.
This is where one person feels that his or her decision is not the business of the other. However, when the other person finds out that his/her spouse did something without consulting them, he or she flips.
Does this mean that you should simply give up and do only what the other wants to do?
Some men think that the only way to have peace is to give in to the desire and wishes of their wife.
This does not work because it builds resentment which eventually leaks out in frustration.
“I have been doing things her way all these years I should finally get to do things my way for once,” you may finally say.
This may lead to having totally different separate lives. People will still stay married but stay in separate rooms and do things as if they are simply house mates or business partners.
Harley insists that both parties negotiate with each other until they both are mutually satisfied with the solution.
In this interview Harley deals with on common marriage problem. In-laws and friends.
- Should you have friends that the other person does not appreciate? Should you let your parents make decisions that your spouse will not be comfortable with.
In one person has friends the other person has a problem with or if the parents are interfering in the relationship Dr. Harley feels that you should always side with your spouse, or make sure you come up with some sort of solution that both of you agree.
Family and friend should not be allowed to come between you.
*Don’t ever side with your family against your spouse. Your family are more interested in their own happiness than with the success of your marriage,” says Harley.