How strong is your marriage? Will your relationship succeed or fail?
Well veteran relationship researcher Dr. John Gottman has developed a simple effective quiz on how to gauge the state of your marriage.
Gottman, after spending thousands of hours watching, interviewing and counselling couples, is able to tell within minutes whether a relationship is weak and headed for a breakdown or strong and will happily last for life.
Below is a series of questions (22) he has developed to help people evaluate the state of their relationship.
Answer Yes or No to the 22 questions below and total your yes answers:
- I can name my partner’s best friends. (Yes, No)
- I can tell you what stresses my partner is currently facing. (Yes, No)
- I know the names of some of the people who have been irritating my partner lately. (Yes, No)
- I can tell you some of my partner’s life dreams. (Yes, No)
- I can tell you about my partner’s basic philosophy of life. (Yes, No)
- I can list the relatives my partner likes the least. (Yes, No)
- I feel that my partner knows me pretty well. (Yes, No)
- When we are apart, I often think fondly of my partner. (Yes, No)
- I often touch or kiss my partner affectionately. (Yes, No)
- My partner really respects me. (Yes, No)
- There is fire and passion in this relationship. (Yes, No)
- Romance is definitely still part of our relationship. (Yes, No)
- My partner appreciates the things I do in this relationship. (Yes, No)
- My partner generally likes my personality. (Yes, No)
- Our sex life is mostly satisfying. (Yes, No)
- At the end of the day my partner is glad to see me. (Yes, No)
- My partner is one of my best friends. (Yes, No)
- We just love talking to each other. (Yes, No)
- There is lots of give and take (both people have influence) in our discussions. (Yes, No)
- My partner listens respectfully, even when we disagree. (Yes, No)
- My partner is usually a great help as a problem solver. (Yes, No)
- We generally mesh well on basic values and goals in life. (Yes, No)
Add the number of yeses you got
More than 12: You a strong relationship. Congratulations! Keep it up.
7 to 12: You are in a sensitive time in your marriage. You have much strength but there are also some weaknesses that need attention.
6 or less yes answers. Your marriage is serious trouble. If you value and want the relationship to survive you need to get help.
To learn more about what makes marriages work, read “10 lessons to transform your marriage,” by John Gottman.
For an interactive version of the quiz please visit this website
For free information on how to build a happy relationship check out this article