What does effective couples counselling therapy really look like?

In this video Insoo gives Solution focussed brief therapy for marriage counselling

This couple came to therapy to get some solution about the situation of their marriage. He works nearly seventy hours a week and she does something similar and also take care of the children.

Here are several problems I noticed:

  1. They do not have any time to spend with each other because of their work schedules
  2. They have small demanding children
  3. He complains that she overwhelms him each time they try to have a discussion
  4. This then turns into a blame game

You could also see some deadly traits in the couple interaction.

Criticism:

Him: “She has zero understanding about what is going on”

Defensiveness:

Her: “He understands it all.  THAT’S is the problem, right there. We would not be here if it weren’t for me.. I think he is happy that I just go on and on working myself to frazzle.”

Contempt:

Her: Rolling eyes and pulling hair in impatience.

Him gesturing with hands with widened eyes: “She just goes on and on and on and I don’t have an opportunity…”

She wisely cuts the finger pointing before it got out of hand and asks them to focus and what can be some solution.

“What needs to happen so that you can say, 6 months from now that we went to speak to  Insoo?”

They obviously spoke about the solutions that they would like to see in 6 months as a results of speaking to the therapist.

The next scene sees them back in Insoo’s office in 2 weeks time.

This time they are all smiles.

She asks them to relate what has been better.

He reported that he was able to rearrange his work so that he could take the family out. Which was very enjoyable.

Somehow they were also able to spend some time together as a couple.

“We spent some intimate times together,” he revealed holding her hand. They both enjoyed it.

It seems that their busy hectic lifestyle made it impossible to be able to connect on this level.

This was the root of there frustration, which showed up as arguing and fighting.

The lesson that we should take away from all this is to step back and ask what is the root of my frustration?

What needs to happen for me to be satisfied and happy in my relationship?

These solution focused questions can be very helpful in bringing joy and happiness back into a relationship. A relationship that is full of problems.

For more about this type of therapy visit http://www.psychotherapy.net/

Filed under: Marriage Counselling

Like this post? Subscribe to my RSS feed and get loads more!