How do you tell your spouse that you are sorry?

The ability to say “Sorry” or apologize is one my top qualities to make a successful relationship. I count this as much more important than even finances and money problems.

As simple as this is, it is one of the most difficult things to do.

Why?

Saying sorry feels like you have to admit defeat, especially if you think you have done no wrong, or if your spouse has done similar or worst transgressions. Saying sorry sometimes feel like a blow to our pride. But apologizing is probable what is needed to mend the broken or huting relationship.

So how do we go about saying that we are sorry? When should you apologize?

Relationship expert Terrence Real brings us real answers.

You should apologize when you have done something wrong to hurt the feelings of your partner?

What if you feel you have not done anything wrong?

Terrence says even when you have not done anything wrong you should still apologize. Scan your memory for times when you have done something wrong and apologize for the way your spouse may be feeling.

“I haven’t been late but there are other things that I have done things that are irresponsible so I understand why you might be worried about it.” Is an example of how you may want to say this, according to Real.

You hand may not be in the cookie jar then but your hand has been in the cookie jar sometime.

Real also goes on to say you should not apologise when your spouse is being abusive: name calling, character assassinating etc.

You should remove yourself and allow them to cool off. When they are being respectful and adult about it then that is the best time to apologize.

Benefits of apologising

It take the sting out the fight and allows the healing process to start.

Your partner warms up to you and may even want to apologize for what he or she has done that may not be right

Takes the sting out of the fight; After the apology there is nothing to fight about.

It helps your partner feel better so that both of you can have a great relationship.

How to apologize

  • Acknowledge and own up to what you did – yes I did this and I am sorry for hurting you
  • Take responsibility for the effects of what you did. Even it was not your intention to hurt the person accept that they are hurt and apologize for it.

What if you still find it difficult to apologize and say sorry

Ask yourself what is this going to cost me to keep this up? Not apologizing may cost you unnecessary stress and hard feelings for hours, days or even weeks. While simply saying sorry may break down the walls between you and both of you will be free to continue a happy relationship. You may even get “make up sex.”

So do the following and apologize:  –

  • Get over self
  • Be flexible
  • Be humble
  • Swallow your pride

How do you actually go about the process of saying sorry:

  1. Verbalize words – say I am sorry
  2. Explain what you are apologizing for and
  3. Admit the hurt the other person maybe feeling because of your words or actions.
  4. Then tell your spouse you will not do it again.
  5. Ask if there is something you can say or do to make the other person feel better

“Is there something I can do right now to make you feel better?”

What you should NOT do while apologizing

Avoid deflating the apology with

  • I didn’t mean it that way”
  • “you are too sensitive”
  • “I am sorry but….”
  • “What about when you did…..”

“If you are going to say your sorry keep it clean, keep it simple do your job and get out” Terrence Real says.

Here some do’s and don’t when apologizing.

Filed under: Communication

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