10 Secrets to a Happy Marriage

Do you want to create a happy marriage?

I mean one that will last until “death do you part?”

Happy marriage

Happy marriage

Well you are not alone. Everyone looks forward to a time of bliss and happiness that will last forever. Nobody dreams of frustration, depression, irritation, resentment and the big D – divorce.

Love birds assume that love and happiness will be theirs forever when they marry – actually that is why you get married in the first place, isn’t it?

Unfortunately this is not always the case. Many people end up resenting and hating the one they once loved.

Well how do you actually create a happy long lasting marriage?

This is what Jennifer wanted to find out. She is engaged to get married to Peter. Jenny is concerned because she saw her best friend Christiana, who was madly in love with James, become very depressed after 4 years of marriage. A marriage everyone thought would last a life time, is now on the brink of bitter divorce.

What went wrong with a marriage that started out with the high expectation of blissful love?

Unfortunately nobody told James and Christiana the secret of staying in love.

Yes you can actuallly fall in love and you can stay in love for life!

Let me share 10 secrets I have been giving many successful couples over the years.

Follow these and you will have a great marriage that will last a life time.

  • Make it an intention.

Everybody intends to be happy, isn’t that so?

Yes, but not everyone commit and stick to that intention. Let me explain. Lots of people want to be great athletes and popular stars. They start out with the best intentions, however after the tedious long hours of work out and practice many drop out. They want the glory or coming first or performing before huge crowds but not the work that it entails to do so. Similarly there are some specific things that are required to make things go right in the relationship that need discipline and firm commitment.

  • Plan and strategize.

To erect a building that would be safe, strong and long lasting there has to be a blue-print (plan) and a strategy for building it. Unfortunately many of us ride on emotions and feelings, do not usually plan for marriage. We plan far more for the wedding than the marriage. We assume that things will always flow easily. We subconsciously think that love will help us to overcome any and every problem. Love conquers all. However we need to evaluate both ourselves and the other person objectively to see if there is enough compatibility. Beyond the feelings of ecstasy do you both have the resources to manage a home? Can you actually live with each other’s personality and idiosyncrasies?

  • Develop habits.

Habits – who needs habits in a relationship? Believe it or not, every relationship develops patterns and habits – usually unintentionally. However we can decide to develop good habits. Here are some simple habits you can start that will help your marriage last a lifetime.

    1. Hug and kiss every morning and evening.
    2. Make a specific time every day to spend some time together alone, it could be just 10-15 minutes.
    3. Have a date night per week
    4. Try not to go to sleep angry or upset with each other. Always make up before going to sleep
  • Surprise each other.

Has any every surprised you?

You were not expecting it. How did it make you feel? How do you feel about the person after this?

Doing something that surprises your spouse tend to build/create wonderful feelings and emotions that builds and expand their love. It interrupts their activity, and actually changes their emotional state.

  • Learn emotional needs of each other.

What is an emotional need?

Emotional needs are feelings we need to make us feel happy, fulfilled, satisfied.

We are familiar with the nutritional needs of our bodies. We need to eat everyday to give our bodies energy and keep it healthy. Well similarly our emotions need to be fed and stimulated for us to feel happy and satisfied.

What are things that make you feel really excited and happy when your spouse does them? If he/she does not do it then you feel empty, sad, irritable or even angry.

For example some people love to hear their spouse tell them nice things – how much they love and admire them. You may like your spouse being affectionate to you – touching, hugging, kissing and petting you.

A lot of men love having sex and may become very despondent if they are not getting this need met.

Believe it or not some people have a need to talk and have a great conversation from time to time. It stimulates them. One young lady told me she doesn’t know which gives her more satisfaction – sex or great conversation.

  1. Learn what stimulates and excites the other person. Make it a habit of doing these regularly and you will see a quantum leap in the happiness of your spouse and marriage.
  2. You should also tell you partner what makes you very happy, so that they will be able to satisfy you. Do not assume that they should know. Some people tend to love others the way they want to be loved. So don’t leave it to chance.
  • Avoid love busters.

Love busters are things that make get upset, annoyed, frustrated and unhappy. Willard Harley explains it beautifully – check out his explanation here. .

Common love busters are:

  • Selfish demands,
  • angry outburst,
  • annoying habits,
  • independent behaviour and dishonesty.

Listen to this short clip of Dr. Harley explaining love busters

  • Spend time.

Remember when you were in the first flush of love?

You couldn’t wait to be together. You anticipated it eagerly.

When you could not be physically together you spent enormous time on the phone, internet or texting each other.

Unfortunately when you got married the cares of life interfered with this. You spent less and less time together.

While you may not have noticed it, this lack of togetherness has significantly contributed to your lack of happiness in your marriage.

Willard Harley contents that happily married people need to spend at least 15 hours a week together. I totally agree. Think of people who are having affairs they always find ingenious ways to be together. Find time to be together with your spouse on a regularly basis and your relationship will not only improve it will lasts.

  • Talk.

talking

Spend time together talking

As simple as this sounds, talking with each other made up a huge amount of the time you spent together when you were dating and courting.

Unfortunately people seem to not only have less time when they get married they also talk less. And when they actually do, their conversation can be very negative.

So my relationship advice that can turn your marriage or relationship into a very happy one is to talk more frequently with your partner. Remember to:

  • “sweet talk”,
  • complement,
  • praise,
  • and inform him or her of your feelings and needs.
  • Activities.

Doing things togetherbonds and binds people.

Cooking, cleaning, DIY and projects are activities that can make the world of difference when done as a team.

Also sports activities, walking, hobbies can be included. While doing these you have time to be together and a wonderful opportunity to talk and share ideas together.

This will make a world of difference in your marriage and relationship.

  • Be nice.

As simple as this sounds many couples are very horrid and horrible to each other. Being considerate, civil and courteous are elements that go a very long way in making a marriage happy. Simple words like, please, thank you, sorry, excuse me, although ordinary can make the relationship happy and enjoyable or very dull, boring and dry.

Robert told me that he felt very discouraged and unappreciated. Not because Rose was a horrible persons but she simple showed not appreciation for anything he did. She almost never says thank you or gives him any words of appreciation. After years of enduring this he was ready to leave.

 

Practicing these power tips in your marriage will keep the love alive for a life time. Many people have used these to build very successful relationships and you can too!

Happy loving!