Secrets to a long lasting love relationship
Would you like to if your love will last forever?
In this article I will give you secrets that will let you know how long your relationship would last and what you do to create a lasing love relationship.
First let me tell you about Lola and Ken. They came to me for relationship advice. They argue and have conflicts almost 3 times a week. Interestingly they have only been going out for 4 weeks.
This was Ken’s very first real relationship. He just couldn’t understand how to handle the situation, Lola has not only had past relationship she has a 3 year old child.
Lola on the other had felt somewhat unsure because she felt she didn’t match up to his expectations in a woman.
“Why are we always arguing so early in the relationship? Isn’t this the part where people have fun and enjoy each other?” bewildered Lola asked.
Do you think that this relationship is domed from the start?
Well here is the first revelation.
It is not how a relationship starts that really determines its success.
I am sure you have seen people who start out with whirl-wind romance and in a few years of marriage they head for the divorce court.
Secondly, the amount of conflict that a couple has is not indication of the success or failure of the relationship.
Interestingly, successful marriages have the same amount and intensity of conflicts that unsuccessful marriages have. When I found that out it was very shocking to me.
Well what makes the difference?
So how can you deal with conflict in way that will make the love last forever?
- Avoid responding negatively when something upsets and annoys you. Negative responses tend to cause the situation to grow worst and blow out of proportion. Negative responses you should look out for include:
- Shouting, screaming, yelling
- Put downs e.g. you are such a pig
- Withdrawing and stone walling. Giving the silent treatment
So how should you deal with conflict?
- Calm yourself down. If you feel you are getting angry and upset, manage your emotions. Count to 10, take a walk, or tell your spouse that you are feeling upset and you can’t talk now because you may so or do something that you will regret.
- Write out your feelings in graphic details. This is not to show the other person, but to vent your feels
- Explain the act or actions that hurt your feelings, do not blame the person character. E.g. “when you shouted at me if made me feel very hurt and upset. It made me want to scream at you too. I would prefer if you don’t raise your voice when you are talking to me.”
- Tell your spouse what to do. After identifying the action that you don’t like tell the person what you would like them to do instead. See example above.
- Remember always to be gentle when dealing with your spouse or partner. Their spirit can be easily bruised or hurt. For example if you are dealing with a sensitive issue start by speaking slowly, gently and softly. This helps the person not to feel attacked
- In every conflict find a way to make sure that both of you are satisfied with the solution. It is no use one person winning while the other person feels that they had to give in or give up making you happy. It must be a win-win solution.
Now what can you do to create a thriving, long-lasting relationship?
This calls for relationship intelligence.
Interestingly having fun and even playing is great for relationships.
- Find something that you both like to do together. Walking, playing tennis, doing board games etc.
- Work on a project together
- Do something every day to make the other person feel happy.
- Regularly surprise your spouse with tokens of love.