Divorce and separation
Creative Commons License photo credit: Undertow851

A Great Idea on How to stop a divorce or separation

What should you do if your spouse what to divorce or separate from you?

I want to share a quick thought about how you can reconcile with your fast-becoming-ex spouse and stop the divorce and separation process.

Before I go on to do this I recently heard a guy on the radio telling Mort Fertel how his wife wants to talk about separating – a topic she always want to bring up. The problem is that this is the last topic in the world he wants to talk about because he loves his wife and wants to save the relationship.

Mort Fertel gave a brilliant response. One I would like to explore and share with you.

Forte explained that the more he avoided it the more his wife would think that he doesn’t understand her needs. In fact it would re-enforce her concepts that he is selfish and only wants his way. It would also give her added evidence why separation and maybe even divorce is the right thing to do.

What should he do then? What should you do if your spouse is intent on talking about divorce and separation when this is what you want to avoid like a plague?

Talk about what they want to talk about?

But won’t that be giving in?

Not really. This may seem a bit counter intuitive however talking about something do not necessarily mean that you want or agree with it. You want to really show how much you understand and care for them and their feelings.

First what you want to do is to be clear in your mind that you want your spouse to be happy. Now this is the tricky part. Happiness to you right now may not be what he or she thinks would bring him/her happiness.

They somehow feel that the pain and frustration they are feeling would alleviated when they separate. Or maybe they feel they would be happy when they are away from you.

So give the freedom to not only choose but get what they want.

You may want to say something like:

“You are very important to me. I wish you would stay with me however if separating is what would make you happy, what I can do to help you with the process.”

Mort says there is nothing that can blow someone’s mind than seeing their spouse care and understand their feelings even in the process of divorce and separation.

This interestingly also gives him or her space to reflect on your feelings and needs. Their defences are lowered and your interest will somehow start to feature on their mind.

This simple method of giving in to what your spouse wants can halt the divorce and separation process.

Here is a great site for more resources on how to handle divorce and separation issues.

Filed under: Divorce advice

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