Relationship problems: Dealing With A Difficult Spouse
How to deal with a difficult partner
- Is your spouse’s attitude driving you mad?
- Is he or she driving you mad?
- Is he or she shouting, screaming, pouting or freezing you out?
If your relationship is in serious trouble because your partner is being a jerk lets look at some possible solutions that that can solve the issue. This will help to stop a divorce if you are beginning to think about it
First you must realize that when you partner behaves this way they are really behaving like a kid. We all do behave this way from time to time. However it most important that you do not retaliate in the same way. If you do then it will be a room of screaming children who are throwing tantrums.
The second thing you must do is to speak to the child in him or her. Notice I said speak to the child in him or her, not treat him or her like a child. If they feel that you are treating them like a child then it will be like adding fuel to fire. Nobody likes being treated as though they are infants.
So how do you speak to the child in your spouse without treating them childish?
To do this you clarify what they are upset about e.g. “Honey I really didn’t mean to hurt your feelings when I said that the dress makes you look big. I am sorry.”
Terrence Real says we should only try this 2-3 times. If they do not snap out of it then it time to change tactics.
“That child part of them wants nothing to do with making things better… so stop banging your head against the wall, its time to let go” Terrence explains.
Do not become resentful by blaming the person for always behaving that way or claiming that they never change or becoming a victim in the situation.
But keep it bite-size and in the moment, tell your self.
“My husband is having is having a rotten day and is acting like an idiot this Thursday at 3pm, I am going to back off and give him some space.”
Tell your spouse:
“You know what honey, you seem to be upset about something, you don’t seem to want to talk about it, I am going to make a sandwich, I’ll check in with you later.” Is the advice Terrence gives to cope with spouses who insist on being awkward.
Instead of letting go of your spouse and your marriage you can let go of this moment, at this particular afternoon.
Step away from the heat of the moment until the person calms down and could be engaged.
How long should you take a time out?
Take 20 minutes and check in. If he or she does not want to engage then give some more space for an hour or entire day if needs be.
It is important that you send a message that you will not keep fighting.
Then you leg go do a moratorium Terry says.
If this keeps coming up then it time that you and/or your partner seek marriage counselling for help in dealing with the issue.
Filed under: Relationship problems
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