Communication and relationships!

What is the most important thing in a relationship?

communicationIf you are like most people you might say communication is the most important part of a relationship.

In fact communication is the mantra of most relationship experts. They contend that communication will solve most all relationship problems.

People think that if you sit down and tell your partner what you want, how you feel and what you are thinking about this will oil the cogs of any difficult relationship. It is tooted to be the central problem that affects most relationships.

But is it really?

Is it really that important?

Here are several problems with that approach.

There is good communication and there is bad communication. And both are equally effective in transmitting meaning.

Have you ever seen an angry person have a go at their partner?

Have you ever been angry and let loose on your partner or vise versa. Believe it or not this is very effective communication that leaves your partner in no doubt of how you feel.

But guess what? That is bad, very bad communication; it usually makes the problem worst. The conflict deepens and wounds are inflicted that may take a life time to heal.

There are times you should not communicate/talk at all. Silence is sometimes golden.

When you are frustrated, irritated, upset and angry these are not good times to talk. These are the times that most people unleash poisonous, vile and vengeful weapons (words) on their partners. Usually they regret what they have said or donw when they are ‘sober.’

During this time it is best to bite your lips, restrain your tongue, manage your emotions and even take a walk.

If necessary tell your spouse that you are upset and if you continue you may say or do something that you would regret.

Take a break – walk, garden, cycle, swim or go to gym – sweat it out and return to the table calm for a fresh round of talk with the calmness of a ‘sober‘ mind.

Talking only conveys 7% of the meaning of our communication.

You may have heard this before, but words only account for 7% of the meaning of what we want to convey. Voice tone and pitch accounts for another 35% and a whopping 58% of the meaning in our communication is done via facial expression and body language.

Non verbal communication carries far more weight than our mere words. Well I can easily understand this because we can use the same words and convey totally different meaning.

So I want to suggest that our attitudes towards out mate is far more essential than just sitting around spouting words all the time. In fact many of us have heard all before.

Some people say what they don ‘t mean and mean what they don’t say.

Talking and listening (communication) are  skills. Skills many of us are not born with. Skills that we usually don’t learn when we are small. Skills that the average couple is not taught during pre-marital counseling.

Interestingly many people have a very difficult time saying exactly what and how they feel. Some people avoid saying what really matters to them just to be able to keep the peace. They do not want to upset their partners.

Want to find out to effectively tell  your spouse what you want so that he or she will respond positively. Here are 6 simple steps:

[ebvideo src=”″ sharing=”1″]


Lots of people agree to disagree, in order to have  peaceful life.

Having difficult conversations on sensitive matters is vital and it would be good to learn how to articulate your feelings so that your spouse does not feel attacked, judged or accused. This will only put their backs up and cause them to either withdraw, counter attack or become defensive.

If you want to find out how to talk about things that bother you to your spouse check out this brilliant secret on How to complain to your spouse without starting a fight.

Some people connect to communicate other communicate to connect

Some people are poor talkers, they communicate much better through connection, mainly physical connection. This may be why a lot of men want to make love if they have a disagreement with their spouses. Communication: Is communication really the most important part of relationship

So what then is the most important thing in all relationships?

Glad you asked.

  • Do you remember when you first met you wife or husband?
  • Do you remember that you thought they were the best thing that ever happened you to?
  • Do you remember that you treated them special and wonderful?
  • Do you remember how you sang their praises to everyone who would listen?
  • Do you remember how you talked to them for hours and never tire of hearing their voice?

Have you ever had a friend paint a glorious images of someone special they have met but after meeting the person you wondered what your friend found special about this simple mortal human?

Well here is the point. The way you think about someone dictates how you act, behave and talk to them.

Thoughts, perception and attitude are the most essential elements of any relationship.

Didn’t the Bible say: Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaketh.

If we think fondly of our spouses we will speak of them and to them out of respect and awe. Even when we get upset we will steer clear of insulting and attacking them.

Communication will not be a problem because it will be automatically built into the relationship such a relationship. Both parties will communicate warmly and lovingly even when there are sensitive and hard things to be said.

The talker (one who talks most) will connect easily to the one the connector (one who needs to connect physically). There will not be any need for both styles communication to clash. One would learn the other much like a mum can decipher that cries of a baby.