Divorce advice

Divorce: Gary Coleman in Divorce Court

Gary Coleman goes to Divorce Court

Below is a video of the late Gary Coleman in the divorce court.

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Do you want to know what drive celebrities to the divorce court?

I recently came across a clip on youtube with the late Gary Coleman in divorce Court. Gary was the child star of a hit television comedy series called Different Strokes.

Unfortunately after this his acting career never really took off. He had a series of marriages. The one that is featured in the clip was one he had with 22 year old Shanon Price.

The clip showed the two in divorce court. He contents that she pesters him about having a child every day when he made quite clear from the beginning that he did not want children,

She contents that he has angry outbursts and throws temper tantrums like a 5 year old.

This is a classic case of a couple not only pressing each others hot buttons but indulging in a major case of hurting each other repeatedly.

They, according to him have a major breakdown and argument at least once a month. They blame, shame and flame each other.

I really don’t think it’s the fights that caused them to end up in divorce court. All marriages have fights. Even the good marriages do.

I think the real cause of marital breakdown here is that they both consistently engaged in a process of two things.

They stopped giving each other love signals (what is usually called love units
They began to hurt and make each others’ life very miserable – we say they engaged in love busters.

Let me quickly explain. When Gary and Shanon first got together they were excited and felt that they were made for each other. They complemented and shared in ways the made each other happy.

This led to feelings of romance and eventually they felt that they should get married. During this time they were both depositing what is known as love units in each others romantic bank account.

However when they got married they engaged in activities that withdrew these love units. These activities (nagging and angry outbursts) also cause deep hurt.  These are called love busters.

Below Dr. Willard Harley explains how theses work

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Here Dr Harley speaks about love busters. Love busters are things that upset and make your spouse angry.

After making clear the there are 2 categories of love busters Dr. Harley goes into details about one of them – Abuse and control. Included in this category is Selfish demands.

Selfish demands is what Shanon was doing. She wanted him to give him child regardless to how he feels about it. She nags him almost every day. This annoyed and upsets Gary, who never likes anyone telling him what to do.

They might have avoided all the arguments if she used a different approach.

“Gary I know that you don’t want children but could you tell me why you have come to that decision. How do you feel about that?” might have gotten a different response.

Asking your spouse “How do you feel about ………..” will go much further in motivating your spouse in doing things for you.

Dr. Harley talks about another love buster the Shanon and Gary didn’t mention, but I am certain they engaged in during their heated arguments: disrespectful judgements.

This involves name calling, ridiculing and put downs.

Another great love buster is angry outburst. This was what Gary is guilty of. This of course really drove Shanon nuts. This led to more arguments as both of them tried to hurt each other the most.

In the next video Dr Harley goes into a detail about angry outbursts.

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