Dr. Phil on emotional affair – affairs of the heart
If you are married and in a long term relationship would you be comfortable if you spouse has a very close male/female friend that they talk with, call, see, have lunch, email and share secrets with regularly?
How would you feel about that?
Well in the series of videos we will share the devastating effects of emotional affairs and how it can tear relationships apart.
On Dr. Phil’s show we see a husband, Randy, who believes that his wife has crossed the line – He thinks she has had emotional affairs. This breaks his heart and caused him to spy on her in a way to control this horrible behaviour.
He says: “sex or no sex she is still being unfaithful.”
It is at the heart of his relationship problems.
He says she become distant, argue and refuse sex for week at a time.
She does not see it as cheating and feels that it is not big deal. In fact she says she is not looking to replace him she just wants freedom. She complains that his constant need to control is driving her to do what she does.
“I don’t call it cheating and I was never planning to have sex. I do love the tingling feeling you get when you are falling in love and the newness of it, but these were just definitely just fantasies,” she says.
His constant stalking her and tracing her computer usage makes her feel as though she was “trapped in the walls” of the house. She feels violated.
Amazingly she confessed that she saw a young man she admired and later met up and hugged him, but she never intended to go any further. What is even more amazing is that she wrote love letter to his best friend.
Dr. Phil confronted both of them.
Luckily both of them want to solve their 11 year marriage. Randy wants to know what he can do to fulfil the emotional needs of his wife to stop her from seeking it elsewhere.
She wants to be able to communicate without having to fight. I love the way the held each other’s hand while the discussed the letters.
- One of the best ways to deal with emotional cheating is to bring it in the open. Randy’s friend did that and it brought the potential full blown affair to a head.
She confessed that she loves her husband and want the relationship to work.
- The second point I want to make is that she admitted that it was wrong. This is a great step in breaking the toxic attachment to someone else.
- She also openly admits she wants him to meet her deep needs of love and attention.
Dr. Phil unravels the problem. He showed that the wife – Amanda – came from a background where she was running from her parents and fell in love with someone. This was on some level to “run away” from home. Because he was older she loves the security which later turned into a parent child relationship. She struggled to escape his control.
Randy on the other hand was very controlled when he was young. At times he was locked in his bedroom and not allowed to go outside to play. He now sets the rules and boundaries in his relationship expect her to fall in line. He has control issues.
Dr. Phil was straight up with both of them. He told Amanda that she has to stop trying to have her cake and eat it too. He claimed she was emotionally stuck as a teenager wanting to tease and flirt with men and think it’s OK.
Randy who was trying to do everything to fix it was told that he was not the fault or to be blamed. He needs to take stock and do what is right for the children even if it means he has to leave.
For more information on this topic check out this article “You don’t have to have sex for it to be an affair”