What is the forth love language that some people really need?
Acts of Service
Chapman says that some people really get titillating excited when you do something for them. He calls this Acts Of Service.
It reminds me of the something that use to happen in our Caribbean culture.
Usually when a woman is upset with her husband she would stop cooking and washing for him. This was universally interpreted as a clear signal of loss of love.
In fact many mothers trained their boys to wash and cook so that they will not be victims of this ploy by women.
“This love language [acts of service] is doing something for another person that you know they would like for you to do,” Gary Chapman.
This does not include household duties that regularly need to be done anyway, except that your spouse genuinely request and likes it when you do this.
My wife likes me to cook. When I do she is very excited and relishes the food I prepare. So I sometimes take over in the kitchen to give her break and fulfil an emotional need of hers.
How do you know which action or service your wife or husband would like you to perform.
- You can ask them, “ Honey what would you like me to help you with?”
- You can observe their reaction to things that you do
- You can even check which activity she/he finds to be a hard chore
“Actions speak louder than words for some people. “
The next love language is Physical touch.
Some people just love to be stroked, held, hugged and kissed.
Have you ever noticed that when we want to convey strong feelings of excitement and happiness we spontaneously hug – even footballers hug each other when they score a goal. Similarly when someone is hurting we tend to want to reach out to stroke and cuddle them.
To some people touching and affection (hugging, squeezing, stroking, kissing and caressing) speak volumes.
It is very vital that you uncover what your spouse’s love language is, because nothing could be so exhausting than trying your best to love someone who complains that they are not loved.
This can lead to disconnection, discontent and eventually divorce.
When people are not getting their emotional needs met in ways that are meaningful to them, guess what they do?
They begin to wonder if it worth it to continue in an empty, bland, draining and meaningless relationship. This leads to scouting for other people who may be able to fulfil their needs or separation.
“Almost never does a husband and wife have the same love language.” Chapman
Here is a good resource from Dr. Chapman for learning more about love languages: http://www.5lovelanguages.com/